A guy is browsing in a pet shop to kill some time and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeez. I wonder what happened to this parrot?"

The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot".

"Holy moly", the startled guy replies. "You actually understood me!"

"I got every word", says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly intelligent, thoroughly educated bird."

"Oh", said the guy. "Then answer this - how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"

"Well", the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing, but since you asked...   I wrap my willie around this wooden bar like a hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."

"Wow" says the guy, "you really can understand English, can't you!"

"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, science, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."

The guy looks at the $200 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford that." he says.

"Well, actually," says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is nobody wants me. You can probably get me for twenty bucks, just make the owner an offer!"

The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.   Weeks go by. The parrot is just sensational. He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.

One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot says "Psssssssssssst" and motions him over with one wing. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman."

"What about them?" asks the guy.

"Well, when the postman delivered today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightdress and kissed him passionately."

"What?" the guy exclaims incredulously. "Then what happened?"

"Um, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightdress and began petting her all over," reported the parrot.

"My God!" he exclaims. "Then what?"

"Then he got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over, starting with her breasts and slowly working down."

"And?" demands the frantic guy, "Then what happened?"

"Damned if I know. I got an erection and fell off my perch."