Hi there, sorry to hear about losing your mum, there's no easy age to lose her. But if you've been through a lot then it's a double blow as she was a confidant and a dear friend to you I'm sure let alone a mum. 5 years is still early , don't feel guilty that u don't have motivation, live life for today and see how it goes.... it will come back and you will find the strength to carry on , and your mum will be looking down at you with pride ........ hugs from Wales, Meira x