I was dreading the ambulance journey but luckily this Ambulance was a new model and although it wasn't pleasant it was much better than my first journey. On arrival at Gobowen on Friday the 21st of April I was once again put through more tests, x-rays and scans, and was placed on the intensive care on Wrekin ward a specialized spinal unit. Instead of log rolling, here I was placed on beds that actually turn you every 4 hours aided by nurses but once again the morphine wasn't touching me, eventually they found out that I had 5 broken ribs on my left side, 1 on my right and 3 broken bones in my right hand which explained a lot, they also realized that I had developed pneumonia. I had other problems, couldn't eat, realised in the end that warpharine and cranberry don't go, and that was why I was being sick, basically I was living on ham sandwiches lol. I was put under the caring hands of Mr EL Masri the leading Spinal Injury Specialist in Britain and his wonderful team, and he explained that I'd have to lie flat on my back for at least 6 weeks and then be in there for at least a year. I don't know about you but you hear of these thing and you presume there are mirrors so that you can see around and who else was in the room, but alas no, so I shared a room with a good looking, charming sexy Irish Steeple Chase jockey for 3 weeks and never saw him. They eventually realized that morphine and I don't agree to put it mildly and once I was taken off that and given tramadol and paracetamol along with 24 other tablets per day I was much better and had turned the corner. Whilst under the morphine there was times when I was seeing the monitor as a black man holding a baby, a giraffe, there where deaf gymnasts coming out of the ceiling, I believed I was being raped (turned out to be vaginal spasms, do any of you get them? sorry to be so bold but they're awful) also thought the hospital was on fire about 3 times and as I was a fire roll call officer I quite calmly instructed the nurses to evacuate the building lol) I began to get some feeling back, my arms came back very suddenly (albeit painful, but I didn't care), also my torso and down to my knees but after 3 weeks, no more came back, to quote the fantastic medical team at Gobowen I'm an "odd/unique" paraplegic, as I can feel to my knees, and I can even feel when my bladder is full, however I had never realized that the spinal cord regulated your euretha or your bowels, and so had to be catheterized and eventually given a "supra pubic catheter" = 12 inch pipe sticking out of my stomach, it's hit me worse than losing my legs, and that's saying something. At 6 weeks each patient is given a flexi x-ray with a spinal Doctor on site, and this was excrutiating and it turned out I wasn't healing as expected and had to do an extra 4 weeks on my back. it was at this time that all my family and I had to have a meeting with Mr EL Masri with the final prognosis which was that I was a T12 Complete paraplegic, and that I'd never walk again. In the back of my mind I had worked it out, as the nurses to begin with used to say "when you're better" then they'd say "you'll adjust" and every dreaded ward round on Tuesdays had been the same for weeks. i.e. no reflexes, no change, no improvement, I tell you if I ever heard those phrases again I'd scream even with a smile on my face!! Due to shortage of space I was moved to Gladstone ward the rehab ward (the nurses used to tease and say - the holiday camp is over here is where the hard work starts) Anyhow coping with being flat on my back was even worse here as others who had been injured after me where being sat up, using the hoist into their wheelchairs, and some even walking and although it was wonderful to see their improvement it all got to me and I tried to take my own life, but I was so useless I couldn't even get hold of the scissors to do that, so I went in to my shell, NO one could get through to me not my new friends on the ward, nurses, doctors, cleaners, janitors, nobody who I had made my friends could get through to me not even the phsycologist, but along comes Steve who had been a tetraplegic for nearly 20 years, and came to my bedside and said I'll stand here until you speak to me or tell me where to go, well I can't stand but I'll sit here, as I know what it's like, that was enough to bring the smile back on to my face and we started talking and he told me that I had to think of life in a different way now i.e. to think of it as a game of snakes and ladders - one day you roll the dice and it's a double six and you go up a few long ladders and it's great, and then another day you throw a one and you go down a long black snake, but the next morning you roll that dice again and you still keep playing the game over and over until it gets easier. And it does work. Eventually it was time for the dreaded flex x-ray and this time although not pain free, was much better and I was given the go ahead to sit up and I knew from other patients experiences male and female that this was a very slow and painful experience and that both men and women fainted and some lost consciousness completely but one again I had to be "odd" and I was fine, the even thought there was a fault on 3 BP machines as nothing changed, even when I got up in that awful electric hoist and placed in my wheelchair for the first time I was fine. I was dying for some fresh air and I wanted to go out, I'd planned to get up as I knew my sister and family where coming from Kent and Einir my youngest brothers partner and little baby Grug and my friend Liz where coming and they arrived in time to see me in the chair, but as I was a large woman to put it mildy I had the largest chair and I found out to my cost that I couldn't reach the brakes and couldn't steer the 40kilo chair and directly went straight into the wheeled bins outside our window, I laughed so much I was in stitches as my job for the last 16 years had been with refuse and cleansing for Aberconwy and then Conwy County Borough Council, however one of the other lady patients thought it was disgusting having these bins so close to us, and made them move them 200 yards away, the poor nurses and cleaning staff had enough on their plates without having to carry those bags so far, and as I'd dealt with clinical waste for donkeys years I knew there was no real hazzard to them as they where all only inco sheets, night bags, catheters etc which are just like baby's nappies. Anyway I was then allowed to go the physio and to the gym and loved it, you had to do an hour in the morning with your physio and learn how to transfer from chair to bed etc etc you where then asked to do an hour each afternoon to do weights to strengthen your upper body muscles, it was much easier for the men, but I found this a challenge and was one of the few women to compete with the men by doing more reps and asking for extra weights on all my machines. I was also allowed to go swimming in the hydro pool once a week, and this was the only place where I felt "normal". It was a long hard slog but I had more visitors be they family, friends and colleagues than Gobowen had ever seen before, they couldn't believe it. I hadn't thought I'd celebrate my 40th on my back, with my frist present of the day being a suppository from the Sister, but had 32 visitors on that special day, and it was the ony night that I slept through, even when the nurses came to turn me and do my catheter at 2am - I never knew a thing. I still haven't had a full nights sleep since. On the 20th of October I was discharged, it was a very scary and emotional day, saying goodbye to fellow patients, nurses, Doctors, janitors, cleaners, all had become true friends. Mr E L Masri came to see me and actually said that I'd proven everybody wrong, he said apologetically that he thought that I'd be like most overweight women i.e. lazy and he pointed towards another patient (as she was always dodging the gym and whatever ailment I had 2 days later she had the same symptoms, sorry I'm being bitchy) Mr E L Masri said he was so proud of me. That meant a lot. I made sure that I wrote of letter of COMPLIMENTS naming everybody who had helped me from Student nurses, to matrons, Doctors, janitors, cleaners, physio's, ot's, psychologists etc to the board of trustees as I know how quick people do complain but no one ever ever compliments and says those 2 little words that mean so much THANK YOU.