NEW YEAR, NEW BEGINNING, NEW CHALLENGES

Although it may sound corny and you've heard it all before, I hope now though for me it's the start of something, I know feel ready to "face" the world head on. I'm actually feeling like I did on discharge day at Gobowen on the 20th of October 2006..... yep that long ago, and it's taken me this long however due to the broken leg and further complications I've lost an extra year and slowed down my recovery but that's all behind me it's now onwards and upwards or rollwards....

My first challenge, is happening this Wednesday by going back to ALAC at Wrexham the Wheelchair centre, I call it a challenge but it's more like climbing Snowdon as they've already refused me a chair, but I'm now taking ammunition with me in the form of my Occupational Therapist and we're actually seeing the manager Carol, and I'm now so desperate for a new chair that I will literally beg, plead and borrow. Unlike the voucher scheme in other parts of Britain, Wales don't have that and so if they say no then I have to go and find funds and purchase my own chair. I know the ratio of men to women spinal injuries is 9 to 1, however all the chairs seem to be made for slim hipped young males and not middle aged women with child bearing hips!! There must be a gap in the market,.,,,,,,, They keep bragging about how these chairs are made to measure but unless you fall into the 18" category then you can't get a chair, I'm now down another 3 stone and due to not walking my un-toned floppy legs and hips are only down to 18 ¼ " and so not allowed to even try an 18" chair out...... I'm not even an "regular / normal" complete paraplegic as I have partial feeling to my knees and no way would I ever just squeeze into a chair for the sake of it as I'm not going down the skin damaging route ever again, I'm not that silly lol With only the GPV on offer, and they won't even consider the new lightweight Titanium GPV ti one, I'm ready for a battle..... Is it me or is trying to get anything and everything an uphill battle now?

My second challenge, albeit if depends on the outcome of the first one, is purchasing a new car, I've actually passed my assessment since the 19th of October 06! However due to the size of my chair, I can't get a chair with a high enough headroom for me to get my chair in-between my chest and onto the passenger seat, the only one's that have the headroom seem to be people carriers and of course to high for me to transfer into in the first instance..... However at about 2am this morning I have come to a decision, a big one, (you seasoned wheelchair users may think me a lazy so and so ..... however) I've decided to look for a car with a wheelchair holder on the roof (I know you lose 15mph to the gallon however........ ) I'll be cream crackered before I get anywhere and seeing as I'm having so much trouble getting a chair maybe this is an all round solution....... Open to suggestions/help/shoves up the .... To get into a car if any volunteers out there????? The car.... well I would like a Renault Megane, a Citroen C5 or a Volkswagen Golf or am I dreaming, should I go for a family estate car? Once again any suggestions/advice openly taken.

My third challenge, now that I've mastered the art of train travel, thanks to the wonderful team of "guards" railway officers who work for Arriva or whatever the pc name is for them is to go and see a West End Show at London and meet up with my big sister and gorgeous nieces Sioned Emma and Roma Ceri and do some real retail therapy........ better than any rehab education package, even the one from Gobowen!

My fourth, once again depends on one and then two, is to drive down to Kent to my sisters with my mother by the end of the year, ok this is a big one, I know maybe I'm setting my goals to high, however..... can but dream, can but try.

My fifth, I need to get back to work, although Gobowen have suggested the counselling route for me, the more I think about it the more I think I'm not going to be any good at it, so may be doing some work for the local Social Services in Wales with testing goods etc but it's all up in the air at the moment, however I need something, I'm now bored at home, facebook is getting dull and if I get any more "hugs/kisses/spanks/cuddles" from people I hardly know then I'll scream,..... lol On the other hand it is a good way of making new acquaintances which is always a good thing,

My sixth, getting my new bungalow, well I say new, new to me, and parts of it that have been adapted will be new (well that is, if the Welsh Assembly give the go ahead to my Housing Association to go ahead with the adaptations, not holding my breath as the application has been in since August and they've already refused the first lot of plans!!) The bungalow is opposite my Mam's house where I lived until the day of my accident, that's heartbreaking as I can't even go in to my old home at all, not even through the front door albeit a lovely wooden ramp has been added on. But once again this b chair is too wide lol ... Going back to the village is a good thing, in so many ways, for my independence, financially, for friends, neighbours etc however there are some "friends" and neighbours that don't want me there due to the compensation claim, this hurts... hurts deeply and to the heart, they've listened to one side of the story and been my judge and jury without even hearing or asking my side of the story, if they could only live a day in my life, one day that's all I ask, one day in the chair, one day of trying to get your knickers on whilst lying flat on your back, one day of "manual evacuations" of my bowels, one day of spasms, one day of back pain, one day of having a 12" pipe sticking out of me, one day of feeling half a woman, just one day in my shoes.... That aren't even trendy anymore lol.... Am I asking too much? So although I'm thrilled at the prospect of having my own home, my own nest, my own everything, I'm also scared out of my mind with worry at that first encounter in the local village shop, in the concert hall ....... One day at a time.. corny but how true.

However what happens if I don't reach any of the above challenges/tasks ..... for a change I'm not going to count myself a failure, I didn't hit all my goals even before my accident, and things aren't easy anymore, things are harder, living day to day life is harder, but I'm still here, I'm still battling, I'm still smiling.......... Life they say starts at 40, well my life "changed at 40" maybe for the worse but maybe just maybe for the better..........