SEX and the FEMALE PARAPLEGIC/TETRAPLEGIC

(warning, please do not read this if you are easily offended/of a delicate disposition sorry)

Being single fat and forty was a big thing to face, being single, slightly less fat, forty one in a wheelchair and with a 12inch pipe sticking out of you...... exactly not very romantic, appealing and definitely not sexy.

Do these feelings of feeling like half a woman, feeling that they see the chair and not you ease off or go away? That awful feeling that the supra pubic catheter is showing beneath clothes, feeling that it smells, albeit being washed over and over again. Then there's the thought of firstly when having met somebody on the net and meeting up, do they fancy the real life me? Can they see passed the chair? Ok, I'd have told them early on the web relationship about the accident, I'm always open and honest about that no point in being the other way is there?!! And when asked about personal details about my body, as most men seem to do within a few times of "talking" on the web, telling them about the pipe and the unknown as in that I don't know if it's physically possible for me to have full intercourse.... But just the thought of meeting them in real life....... Frightening, sickening and horrible .....although exciting as it should be with any new relationship.

The lack of knowledge and of knowing, if I'll ever be able to have full penetrative sex ever again? And how soon would they (that is, if they can get over the thought of the me having a longer willy than them lol) get bored of coming on my boobs or in my mouth, no matter how good my small hands and large mouth are..... I shouldn't complain about having partial feeling to my knees, however with my painful hips, sex has always been painful and uncomfortable in a lot of positions, but now those positions that where comfortable and really good for me are no longer viable, not even with cushions and help... How soon before they would they's bored. How soon would they seek solace with a normal woman elsewhere? Is it better to keep myself closed to new relationships? Is the thought of what if.... Worse than the knowing. And, what if the unthinkable happens and I have a bladder or even worse a bowel accident?  Due to vaginal spasms, if I managed lovely penetrative sex would my man get stuck.  Would I be able to feel him deep and large inside of me...... normal things, normal sensations that mean so much to both partners.

Relationships are complicated enough without this. Am I meant to be alone for the rest of my life? I'm normally such an optimist, however this is getting me down. I know there's more to a relationship than making love but it does help and it's such an important let alone fun part!! Just being honest that's all, it does count.  God made it pleasureable for both sides for a reason.  Missing that intimacy, that contentment, that mmm feeling.... and of knowing I've pleased my man.

The education part of the recovery at Gobowen hospital was brilliant, however due to the ratio of accidents with the male spinal injury, the sex education was not comprehensive, in fact it was nearly non existent for us women, yes men where told about Viagra, about injecting their penis etc Some of the single men where even advised to go to an escort the first time or so and to try things out, but for us women...... hardly nothing except for a few words of encouragement!  But that was mainly to those already married/in a long term relationship with a doting partner.

I have met and seem to have connected with a very special man whom I met via a disabled (free  of charge) small site called Cupid Calls, however I've chickened out of taking it to the next step i.e. of meeting up. Yes he knows and bless him has accepted the news of the catheter, my hips, the unknown etc But when it comes to actually meeting up I'm terrified and have put him off on more than a couple of occasions so much so that I think he's gone off me or is now "turned off" if you get my meaning..... He's got under my skin, don't know how, when it happened but it has.... (gosh that's the first tme I've admitted that to myself, scary as even before my accident I never let anyone get close to me, the real me, let alone now!)

I have also met another gentleman on the same site, now I don't have the same connection with him, and both know about each other, but this one isn't a sexual relationship just friends, however this gentleman is what they call a devotee, as in my disability is what turns him on, really on. And although he is experienced in the art of making love to a paraplegic and has assured me that the pipe, the lack of positions are not a turn off, he actually said that the two last experiences that he'd had with a disabled woman, had blown him away and was the best sexual experiences of his life. But with him if the first relationship doesn't work out he's told me to contact him and to give him a chance, however the problem with him or with me is now I'd worry if he found me attractive or was it the thought of me being severely disabled that he's interested in and not the real me?

Sorry to have to put this on here, but it's such a dark area, and it shouldn't be .... I'm fed up of googling, There is no informaton/help out there. Not even from the Samaritans etc. The only thing useful I saw was on the programme (I think it was called Sex for the 21st Century Woman) where they briefly showed and spoke to a male paraplegic making love to his beautiful fit wife, and spoke to a married disabled lovely slim lady. Isn't it better that the more open and the more information there is about it the less taboo the subject becomes,  This affects all our lives does it not? 

If anyone has read this (and not fallen asleep) and has gone through similar problems/doubt would you mind talking to me via msn at meiraowen@yahoo.co.uk. Maybe you're a female partner to a disabled gentleman and had problems to begin with your love life but have overcome. Or if you're with a disabled male/female and had to adjust your lovemaking? Anybody out there that can shed some light on this matter  I'd really appreciate "talking" to you ....... on msn or just leave a comment........   DIOLCH YN FAWR / THANK YOU.

Keep smiling

Me-ira x