I know I have been out of touch for a while but for the last 24 hours I have never felt so disabled.  It is really stupid, but I am very upset and it just stems from a silly comment which just drummed into me that I am totally useless.  I have a small garden (at last) and I thought that I would be able to manage the two little borders.  I want my garden to be pretty and fragrant and it is not a huge amount.  I should be able to do it myself, but Ijust need a bit of help to get going.  I want to pull up all the weeds and dig the borders.  I want to make a compost heap to use the grass cuttings and the rubbish in a more constructive way.  The hedge needs to be cut back and Mark started that but then decided that the best place to put all the clippings is onto one of the small borders and he told me that my idea for a compost heap was "Ridiculous". 

I can't really explain how trapped I feel in my useless body.  I am sure that someone out there will understand.  I have been brave and stoic for the last 6 years, I mostly make the best of what I have got but right now I don't feel like I want to do any thing except cry and curl up in bed.  Maybe it is more a reaction to all the stress over the last couple of years, but I do fel like giving up the battle.  Walking is painful, I know some of you will think how ungrateful I am but it is maybe again just a passing phase and tomorrow I will be feeling back to my old self.

I have had my black moments in the past but they have always passed very quickly, this time I just feel awful.  Sorry to go on about myself in such a negative way but I hope that by writing this down I might be able to break the cycle and also some of you will come back with some way of cheering me up and sharing your experiences and how you have dealt with these dark days.

Fifi